More than You Think You Are
by detective-sweetheart
Summary: It has nothing to do with anything, he told her. Your blood doesn't determine who you are. You do.


**A/N: It can count as a post-ep for Closure pt. 1 if you look hard enough, as always. And SVU's not mine. **

* * *

"You know, there's a reason why it shouldn't get personal around here."

"If you're not talking to me about the case, then shut the hell up, Stabler. I don't want to hear it."

"What was it that you were looking for?" Elliot has decided to ignore his partner's remark and has instead chosen to sit beside her in the little alcove above the squad room. Olivia rolls her eyes at him.

"I was looking for a one-night stand," she says sarcastically. "You happy now?"

He shakes his head at her. "You know you're better than that," he says. "There had to be something more than that."

"All right, we were both drunk and stupid. What's it matter to you, anyway? I know how to take care of myself."

"I didn't say that you don't know how. I'm just wondering why, if it was supposed to be a one-night stand, it's bothering you so much."

"Maybe I feel guilty. I mean, I work with the guy, for heaven's sake, and now everything's completely screwed up. We haven't even managed to close the case."

"But we know who the guy is. It was just a technicality, we'll be able to nail him sooner or later. Guys like that never stop; you know that."

Silence. He has a point, and Olivia knows it, but she doesn't like it. "You know, I came in here knowing that we wouldn't be able to catch 'em all, and yet every time we let one slip through the cracks, it hurts like hell."

"I know it does." Elliot trails off for a long moment and then goes on. "Lot of people get hurt in this unit."

"Why am I not surprised?" Olivia leans back in the chair, coming close to tipping over and not really caring about it. "Sometimes I think I'm a lot more screwed up than I thought I was."

"You're not screwed up. You said it yourself; you were drunk. People do stupid things when they're drunk."

"Yeah, but you're not the one who had a one-night stand with someone who works in the same squad as you."

"True, but it doesn't change the fact that you're not screwed up. Like I said, people do stupid things. It happens."

"Why are we even having this conversation?" Olivia is half-tempted at this point to get up and leave the little alcove, but something keeps her there. Elliot shrugs.

"Because I can tell something's bothering the hell out of you, and since I know what it is, I might as well get you to talk about it."

"What bothers me is the fact that I'm an idiot and that we didn't manage to catch the jerk we were looking for. That's what bothers me. And you know what else? It bothers me that no matter how much we do, it never seems like enough."

"And now," says Elliot, "You have been officially inducted into the unit, because you have finally figured out the second rule."

"What, that it never seems like enough no matter what?" Olivia asks dryly. "I can't wait to find out what the third rule is."

"You've already found that one out, too. Don't sleep with coworkers; it complicates things."

"I ought to smack you for that one, but you're right, so you're safe, for now." Olivia glances down at the table they're sitting at and decides to change the subject for the moment. "Do you think she'll ever be able to get past it?"

"Who, Harper?" says Elliot, and when she nods, he goes on. "I don't know. It varies for different people. Some take longer to get past it than others do."

"I don't think I'd be able to handle it," Olivia admits, still looking down at the table, because for some reason, she doesn't want to look him in the eye. "I just…I don't know."

"You're hardly the only SVU detective that's actually thought about something like that happening to one of them."

At this, Olivia looks up, startled, and Elliot looks back at her with a perfectly straight face.

"I'm serious," he tells her. "You're not. The thing is that most people never expect it to happen to them, so when it does, they're thrown for a loop."

"And so they go and do idiotic things like getting drunk and letting some coworker take you home. I don't think so."

"You would be surprised. Everyone has their own ways of coping with things. Some are just…stranger than others."

She swats at him. "You're not funny."

"I wasn't trying to be. I'm just saying what I've found to be true over the years. I'm not gonna think any less of you because of what you did. It's your decision, not mine."

"If you're trying to parent me, I'm going to smack you again, Stabler."

"I'm not. But what are partners for if they're not there to give advice?" Elliot trails off and smirks. "Besides that, now I can tell Munch that he really doesn't know what the hell he's talking about."

Olivia looks at him with raised eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That he's been giving Cassidy hell about the same thing, except he doesn't know what really happened, and I do."

"If you give him any details, I'll shoot you with your own gun."

"You haven't given me details, I don't want to know, and even if you had, I wouldn't say anything."

Silence. She knows that she can trust him, and decides to leave the matter well enough alone because she doesn't feel like discussing it any more.

"Just so you know, I didn't mean it when I said I was only looking for a one night stand."

"Yeah, I know. You were looking for something more. It's always something more. We're just…not always aware of it."

She pokes at him, smirking. "You're a lot smarter than you look."


End file.
